Baken stuff

I am not sure which one is worse, they both made me laugh so hard there were tears. Then I picked up the phone and got a picture before he could destroy the evidence and called a friend to tell them there were more! My husband is not from the south so there really is no reasoning or excuse for him to think this is right... But I sure do love it!


No this box is not filled with bacon stuff either LOL

The real word: baking stuff

Tubbaware

I have to say, I think it is even funnier to get these things in writing!
As you may know we moved recently and when we got to the new house and started unpacking I cam across some undeniable Rick-isms! Stuff he's been saying that might have even gone unnoticed because it doesn't sound like he's saying it wrong. Man they are priceless!!!


The real word: Tupperware

Moneeca

It was so nice to have the family together for Thanksgiving weekend. We had quite a full house, and entertained 15 people for dinner.. WHOAH! It was a great time, and I am so thankful to share it with some amazing people! & not to have to do the dishes :)
One of the visitors was my little brother's girlfriend, poor kid couldn't go shopping with us on Friday because her stomach was bothering her (you know it has to be bad for a girl to pass on some awesome deals) and she joked that it was from throwing up after she eats... Note: she is pretty stinkin skinny, and she isn't afraid to eat :) Odd humor, I know. Anyway my husband says "that she's not feeling well because she is Moneeca." Everyone is confused, he repeats himself and a few of us start laughing, "Trevor do you ever notice she was in the bathroom after eating... because she is moneeca." We finally explained to her that he has his own dictionary, everyone got quite the laugh.

The real word: Anorexia

Churup

I have witnesses.... in case you don't believe the shenanigans that come out of this man's mouth I guarantee you I could not make this stuff up! We were in the process of moving into our new house, and moving some of our friend's things out (what a process!). She happens to have this cute little statue. He asks me if I want to keep the Churup... I immediately think churro and am puzzled, until he starts trying to explain "you know the little churup statue?" :laugh: I correct him as my brother and I laugh and he per the usual claims that is what he said.

The real word: Cherub

Speeing

If anyone knows my hubby they know he has a bladder the size of a peanut! He can't go anywhere without either a) having to stop to use the bathroom  and/or b) rushing home to us the bathroom. & he even goes before we leave! He cannot go an hour without peeing... unless we are driving then he can push it to 2, sometimes it is just absurd! I do not understand this. Anyway during the lovely drive from Las Vegas to Reno with our truck and trailer and u haul and car trailer... UGH it was LOOONG! He made up an excuse to give the police if you are ever pulled over for speeding when you have to pee... He says "but officer I was speeing."

Fuckaburgers or Frudmuckers

HOORAY we moved back to Reno!!! About two years and one month from the time we moved away, we are so happy to be back. I have a list of hilarious Rickisms and a bonus photographic PROOF! You will have to wait for those little gems. I just wanted to type this one up real quick, it has been a hit when shared with friends and family, and quite classic for that hubby of mine!
We have this little restaurant in Sparks that makes some yummy (but expensive) burgers, when driving by one day on our way home from target he pointed out that there is a Fuckaburger... or wait Frudmucker's in Legend's... Suffice it to say I laughed a little, and jotted that one down to share with everyone :)

The real name: Fuddrucker's

Rick's lullabies

They won't work as well as counting sheep, and let's be real they aren't going to help you sleep! Rick’s lullabies are a little rusty and a lot dusty and oh so funny sweet to listen to! I guess it’s been awhile since he’s heard them much less had a baby to sing them to… They are short and sweet because he only knows three I think (he has the wheels on the bus down pretty well, I give him credit for that). Here are two that I thought you would enjoy…

Patty cake patty cake baker’s man

Roll ‘em up

Throw them in the pan

Twinkle twinkle little star

How mighty you are

Twinkle twinkle little star

How bright shiny you are

Yes that’s then end, like I said short and sweet!

butt cake

This is not what you think. I love to bake; as a matter of fact I am supposed to have my pumpkin in the oven as I type so that I can make delicious pumpkin bread for the first time this year... I also have a veggie drawer full of goodies to steam up and freeze for my kiddos! So I will have to type fast! A couple weeks ago  we went to one of my hubby's co-worker's house for a BBQ... I didn't know what we were bringing until the day of and decided to make a dessert to go with our unimpressive contribution of hot dogs and sausages and I opted to make something bright and sunny since it was approaching the end of summer and made a delicious lemon cake with some fresh raspberries on top. Anyway enough about my baking… On to the part where Rick makes a butt of himself HAHAHA! He kept forgetting a letter and telling everyone that I brought a butt cake, repeatedly calling it a butt cake with a house full of military guys is like asking to be made fun of!  Many laughs on his account, and I think it even outshined my delicious cake.

The real word: Bundt cake

Implucks, hair plucks, and a widow maker

Today the hubby and I were talking about men’s haircuts and he was asking me if I wanted his hair in a particular style. He is active duty in the military and has worn his hair super short for ages, I like more hair on his head and since I am a cosmetologist and do his hair I get the final say! I always tell him if he wants it shorter he can go pay for a haircut (although he argues he is paying plenty already LOL) or shave his head himself… Thankfully he hasn’t because I would be appalled! I am a fan of the grown out pompadour style, I just love guys with that haircut YUM! I was watching Dirty Soap, (maybe a new obsession since I grew up watching Days with my Grandma but eventually got tired of the drama and the stories being soo unrealistic!) and he pointed out one of the guys longer hairstyles and asked “Do you want my hair like that? Well after I get out of the military of course” to which I joked he wouldn’t have enough hair left when that happens. He then said he would “just get implucks… You know where the pluck hair into your head?” He hears me laughing as I grab my phone “Or is it hair plucks, you know where they replace your hair.” I can picture it now Rick with hair plucks…

Now I know hair loss is a delicate subject and it may sound demeaning to make fun of your husband for his receding hairline… SO I do not recommend my behavior for most relationships, fortunately mine can withstand my sarcasm. I warn my husband all the time that wearing a baseball cap 24/7 is going to make his hair recede even more and he will not listen! So I am merely pointing out that I warned him and he should stop now while there’s hair left… Pointing out the grey hairs? Well that’s just me calling him out on getting old HAHAHA and being evil. I just have to make sure that if or when I ever have a grey hair he will know NOTHING of it!

All of this reminded me of a good one from a while back that I almost completely forgot YAY ! We watched Life As We Know It, which was really cute and sad by the way… My husband heard the line where Duhamel’s character has a receding hairline but claims it is a widow’s peak. This became his new motto, which is a really funny line and would make an excellent comeback… Except that when I was poking fun at his hairline one day he said “I’m not losing hair it’s a widow maker!” How does a widow’s peak make widows I wondered?? To this day he can’t keep it straight, and it’s just as funny every time! Sometimes the poor guy can’t catch a break!

The real words: Implants and hair plugs, and widow’s peak

Simular

Rick watches that Orange County Chopper show (I guess there's more than one now), I should just tell you upfront I don't know any of their names or pretty much anything about the show aside from it being about motorcycles and that there's the father and his son's. I think Rick has been getting his English skills from this guy... the guy with the mustache, the dad, gorilla armed dude as i like call him... He cracked me up the other day! He was talking in the shop and kept saying simularly and simular, even in a public setting promoting one of the bikes they made to look like cars for some big car dudes! Someone should really tell him, but I wonder if any of them even realized that what he is saying is wrong. If it were me I would feel like such a tool! Maybe it is just me who has this compulsive desire to correct people when they use words incorrectly or say them wrong?

The real word: Similar, similarly

Bachata

Sometimes I am super mom and on the ball. I have dinners planned out for the week and when I go grocery shopping I do so quickly and efficiently getting everything I will need for said meals. I effortlessly juggle doctors appointments and therapy appointments along with getting kids to and from school with my angel 5month old baby on my hip the whole time. HAHAHAHA If that is the impression you have I am flattered, thank you! Let me just tell you that is NOT what my life looks like on the inside. The real deal is more like... it's the first few weeks of school and the bus didn't show up to pick up my son Keegan, I've been anxiously waiting at the window watching for an hour. I need to be out the door to take my other son Conner to school, so I am about to take him out of his wheel chair and put him in his seat in the van and there's the bus! Then I have Conner who for some reason is wearing his shoes untied with the laces just stuffed in his sneaker and walking around like they are going to fall off at any moment, who for the fourth time needs to be told to put his lunch box in his back pack and hurry up we have to go. During all of this I have a howling baby who wants to be fed, AGAIN, and I tell him you're not the only one! I've been up for however many hours and fed three kids and made lunch and haven't had a moment to eat anything myself, I'm starving too! I'm not screaming my head off about it... yet! But he wouldn't understand he is only 5months old so that thought is only in my head. I'm rushing to get everyone where they need to be and the dog running out the back door digs his sharp claws into the tender skin on my toes OUCH! The day continues in this fashion with a baby who will not get with the program and wants to play when he should take a nap, wants to eat at the most inopportune times, and is growing increasingly more cranky on his 2 20 min power naps taken en route to one place or another. I am late to almost everything, any little thing throws my entire schedule off course, no matter how hard I try I am one blowout or two simultaneous blow-outs requiring an impromptu clothing change from rushing some more hoping we won't get chewed out or lectured about being on time. Or maybe this is the one day they waited and timed their horrendously smelly poops that get more out of the diaper than in until we were in therapy, and I happen run out of wipes and left the extra shorts in the extra diaper bag in my van so now I have to haul the baby and myself back downstairs to go get them only to find out I locked our only key in the van. Then I have to call my husband who has a horrible migraine, who luckily came home early to try to get away from light and bury himself away in a dark room and take a nap, to come and hopefully manage to rescue me!

Yes ALL of these things have happened, not all in the same day but I guarantee there have been many a days like that one that end in me having a melt down! So at the end of the day I couldn't care less about dinner, and maybe don't remember dinner until 7 when I've told every tidbit of my horrible day to my husband who was so lucky to be at work and missing out on all the fun I had, and have finally begun to simmer down. On those days I tell my husband it's his turn!

We had a night like that recently and my husband is not big on cooking, especially when we don't have the supplies for the few things he does know how to make. So it was a fast food/take out sort of night, and we ordered some Mexican food which he picked up and brought home. Thankfully even though he got lost they didn't make my nachos until he arrived to pick up the food so they were delicious, and not soggy as I feared they would be! SO Rick came home with our food and proceeded to tell me they ran out of large cups for my bachata so they put my drink in two small cups. He then asked me what bachata was, and I told him that I didn't know! What I ordered is a delicious rice milk drink... "I said it wrong didn't I? Well what is it then?"

The real word: Horchata

Pajayjay

This is classic Rickism style... Yes I do think I should make up my own words (although mine makes sense!) to go along with his silliness! Come on people fee free to join in whether it be intentional or not I am looking forward to hearing if any of you have doozies like this husband of mine!

Last winter I went to a birthday party and forgot the present at home because I was a) very pregnant and b) had a packed day of parties and errands, so shortly after I made plans to stop by my friends house on our way back from a doctors appointment on her side of town. We got there and Conner and I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell and waited, we didn't hear anything coming from the other side of the door so we weren't sure if they were up and about yet. After waiting a brief amount of time we decided on a place to leave the present and I sent a text message to my friend letting her know we stopped by and left the gift. Just as we were turning around she came out. Turns out she is a lucky lady and her kids were all still asleep; I immediately felt guilty because one thing I know is that those days should be cherished in a nice cozy bed under the covers! Not standing outside in your pajamas in the blistering cold (haha ok it's Vegas we're talking about, so I use the term blistering VERY loosely, it just sounds better than windy and chilly)!! We talk to her for a minute and my husband says you should get inside before you freeze out here, and we say our goodbyes. As we are driving away Rick says that he couldn't believe she came outside dressed like that (by that he means in a tank top and cotton pajama bottoms) and that "she was going to freeze her pajayjays off!" I instantly wonder what on earth he was thinking because I hope he didn't mean vajayjay, the term coined by Chelsea Handler... Because what man actually says vajayjay? Or is it some discombobulated combination of freezing your butt off in your pjs? Either way it was both very funny and very wrong!

The real word or phrase is: I am not quite sure, it's either vajayjay or pjs... we still never figured out what he was thinking!

Grail or Goose goose

Rick was trying to decide what to make Keegan for dinner tonight (I made pretzel dogs and that is not feasible for him to eat, but might I say they were delish!) and complained there weren’t any grains made... What's new, he's not the most inventive when it comes to making him something, pair that with trying to deplete my supply of homemade frozen food so that we can move without worrying about wasting everything once it begins to thaw... And you get a flustered Rick, we all know what happens with a flustered Rick! So he sifted through leftovers in the fridge throwing out the old stuff, then he says “Hey we can use this grail?” Huh? I asked him "what!?" as I pulled out some fresh spinach to steam in the microwave real quick. He repeats himself, pauses as he thinks about it and says “is that what it’s called” as he opens the container then corrects himself “oh no it’s goose goose; he can have that right?” It took quite a bit of restraint to not laugh out loud while I dashed to the living room to grab my phone so I could make a not of what he just said… Seriously grail? I don’t even know where that came from! Now goose goose is not so far off, but it still quacked me up! HaHaHa

The real word: Couscous

Pusistent

Gah another I can't remember the back story to.... I guess that's what happens when every day he's saying something off the wall crazy! Whatever it was Rick said pusistent, which for sure made me laugh... He also vehemently denies saying it wrong, and told me I must have heard him wrong... another example of Rick lying!

The real word: Persistent

Cupoming

Another of Rick's weird quirks: When something is DVR'd he insists you watch it until the complete end and the pop up asks if you want to delete it or keep it. I laugh because if we are watching somethings and it's over I don't see any point watching the first minute of a show knowing it's going to cut off any second so I normally shut it off. It's a joke now, I like to grab the remote and stop it before it ends. We were watching a show and once it was over the beginning of Extreme couponing came on, after momentarily being sucked in I snapped out of it and turned it off. Rick looks at me and says "hey I wanted to see what that cupoming was about." I replied that it wasn't recorded and he smirks because he wanted to trick me into watching until the end... Jokes on you! You just gave me another word!!!

The real word: Couponing (although it isn't really a word apparently, maybe they will add it to the dictionary with muffin top)

Orientated

I almost forgot about this one given to me by my friend Michael. I don't know the person who actually used the word or the exact context, but he told me about it and we all laughed. As I was writing about orientated I realized it isn't coming up on my spell check as being incorrect like all of Rick's blaring mistakes, so I looked it up and here is what I found....


"We have a minor oddity here, in that both orient and orientate come from the same French verb, orienter, but were introduced at different times, the shorter one in the eighteenth century and the longer in the middle of the nineteenth. There’s been a quiet war going on between the two of them ever since. I tend to use orientedand orientated pretty indiscriminately myself, choosing the shorter one when it seems to fit the flow of the sentence. Robert Burchfield, in the Third Edition of Fowler’s Modern English Usage, says “one can have no fundamental quarrel with anyone who decides to use the longer of the two words”. But all this is a British view, since here orientated is common; in the US it is less so and considered much less a part of the standard language. So, as always, it’s as much a case of who you are writing for and where you are doing so."
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-ori1.htm

I also looked for anything showing a contrary opinion, and didn't find it... to my surprise orientated and oriented is like tomato and tomahto (although they are spelled the same it doesn't have the effect it does orally, so I tossed in the H), fetamorcially speaking... well technically similiely speaking... hahaha! I guess it's depends on your preference; hearing orientated still makes me kind of laugh because I think it sounds silly.

Jubalina

I am laughing just thinking about it.... Rick has given me so many jewels to add to this blog lately it's astounding. I mean he obviously does this enough to warrant my idea for the blog, but upon starting it I began to wonder if I could keep it going. My only challenge is remembering what he said; if I don't immediately get it in writing it is gone!!! Never fear though, I am now writing them in a memo on my phone, or on a receipt, or any piece of paper lying around the second it happens. There's one or two I thought for sure I would remember but my aging mom brain failed me! The funniest part is seeing his face as he realizes what's just happened... Here's how it goes: Tonight I was making dinner and midway through he was trying to pawn the baby off on me, and I told him I was busy making dinner and if he wanted me to take him he was going to have to finish. He takes the baby back and watches as I stir the food and put the lid back on and reset the timer. He excitedly asks me "oh you're making jaba, ju-jubalina?" I heard him but just to be sure I usually ask him to repeat what he said and he says "that's what it is right jubalina?" all excited and slightly proud of himself for knowing, he proceeds to read the box which is just dirty brown rice (I add stuff to it to make my own). I am rushing to write it down on a piece of paper while asking him what that was one more time, then look up to see him with that look of being busted with a tinge of amusement. He asks me well then what is it, and I tell him. As usual his response is "that's what I said." Although several more times that night he called it jubalina.

The real word: Jambalaya

Arnockies

My hubby was super excited about the new season of Sons of Anarchy... which I don't watch despite Nancy's urges (I don't like to start watching something unless it's from the beginning), so I don't know anything about it but apparently it's exciting.... So exciting that said husband couldn't even get the word out, the first few attempts were such a jumble of sounds it was unintelligible and made me smile. I've got to say he crackers me up! Finally he got to it and said "Sons of Arnockies" and I realized what the riskish meant.

The real phrase: Sons of Anarchy

Tramper Tantrum

Now if you ask Rick he will deny ever having said this but Michael Day is my witness, and as some of you may know Rick Lies!!!! He once told me that Mario Lopez was George Lopez's little brother; I thought oh cool I never knew that. He also told me Robert Pattinson was dead, not true. & That Mark Wahlberg was in New Kids on the Block when we watched a performance with NKOTBBSB, when it is actually his brother. He also called Michael one day and said his truck rolled out of the driveway and hit a car, and asked if he has insurance; that was a joke but still... Those are just a few examples! So if he ever tells you something you should do some research before you start spreading false information!

So Rick was talking about Cooper, who apparently cried, or screamed for 45 mins straight while I was gone and said he was throwing a tramper tantrum.

The real saying: Temper tantrum

Solisiss and Solicitate

So this entry is two words in the same, or at least to my husband they were... Solisiss, and solicitate. Can't recall the conversation, thankfully I made a note so I wouldn't forget the words.

The real word: solicit.

Stopin

So Rick being the sweetheart that he is often makes tea for me, I am trying to avoid coffee and caffeine when possible, so he will make Mother's Milk tea for me :) On several occaisions after telling me he made tea he's said "it's stoping right now," which always makes me furrow my brow unsure what on earth stoping with a long o is exactly I finally remember what he means and smile and nod, and thank him for being awesome.

The real word: Steeping.

Foat

Rick was irritated with Conner for taking too long to get a spoon and yelled "by the time you get it mom will already have most of Keegan's food down his foat" Lesson of the day think before you yell at your kids, it's not effective when everyone is laughing because you said something wrong.

The real word: Throat

Some short entries

There isn't a notable story for these but they are amusing...

Harmoniny- Hominy

Centinintal- Citronella (I know you were expecting sentimental LOL)

Edomiting- Editing

Cimmamom- Cinnamon

Massashushits- Massachusetts

Safetious

This is my own intentionally made up word... I used it all the time in High School; not many people knew the correct word to begin with, let alone the fact that I was saying it wrong! Because I have always been sarcastic it seemed perfect. I can't tell you how many people were confused, but many couldn't remember which way was correct. 


The real word: Facetious  

Fetamorically

We were talking the other day and Rick said “you know fetamorically speaking?” Another easily recognizable slip up, but he doesn’t usually get the syllables switched around. It reminds me of a time my brother and I got into an argument and were bantering back and forth. He said “Bite Me!” so I told him to come here and I would, and he was like “No I mean literally!” I laughed and explained that I meant literally too, because if he tells me to bit him literally it means to actually bit him and I was more than happy to. So he says “Ok I mean like a metaphor,” and I laughed and explained that it is not a metaphor, and that he mean figuratively! Apparently, metaphor is quite a tricky word!

The real word: Metaphorically

Astrodesiac

I can’t remember what brought on this mishap, but we were watching something and my husband asks me, “isn’t that an astrodesiac?” This is one I easily recognize and just smile and say “you mean an aphrodisiac?” So he says “that’s what I said.”

The real word: Aphrodisiac

Morphadyke

So one night Rick and I are laying in bed and the TV was on showing some documentary type special about Lady Gaga. Risk says “isn’t she a morphadyke?” I look at him puzzled. Sometimes he says thing a littlee off and I know what he means but initially I was completely stumped. So I ask him to say it again a couple times, and of course when I realize what he’s trying to say I laugh. I laughed so hard I was crying. First of all where did morphadyke come from? I suppose it isn’t too off from the actual word but he’s combining two different things here. Once I regain composure enough to tell him, I explained the word he’s trying to say.


Now I am not suggesting lady Gaga is either a morphadyke or a hermaphrodite, or condoning calling her either… But it was funny!


The real word is: Hermaphrodite.

B-F-G

This is a classic, and one of the first... I cannot remember the specific context of this story, I think it went a little like this... We were camping with family and were talking about my step-brother needing new glasses because he keeps breaking them.
 Rick to tells my parents that they should get Christopher some BFG's, cause at least they aren't as easy to break as those flimsy ones he wears. We all furrow our brows thinking "BFG!? What is that?" So we ask him him what he means, to which my husband replies: "Birf Control Glasses." Long pause  as we think about what he just saids, someone asks "what's the F stand for?" I quickly run through these sayings in my head Birth Control Glasses, Big F*&^ing Glasses, trying to figure out what's wrong with this statement. My husband says "Birf Control Glasses", again we ask "yeah but whats the F stand for?" SO he repeats himself, this time drawing out each syllable "Read my lips BIRFFFFFFF Control Glasses," and we all burst into laughter! To which he looks at us confused... It sure did take a minute to stop laughing enough to explain where he went wrong, after several attempts ending in laughing some more, at this point he wanted to know what was up; I finally told him what he meant to say.

The real saying: Birth Control Glasses aka BCG.

The begining

This has been going on for quite some time. We all forget a word here and there, or speak too quickly and things come out wrong... My husband takes it to a whole new level! He says thing completely wrong, obliterates words, and flat out makes up his own. He does this often, and most times doesn't even realize; until I laugh out loud or someone looks at him cross. Because of this we have made up the "Rickipedia", full of the words only he uses. I used to share the "entries" with friends and family, but decided I must put them in writing so I don't forget them all! Now I must disclaim, this is in no way intended to bash my sweet husband or make fun of him... We're laughing with him, not at him, right!?

I will also take entries from friends, family, and followers and post them, so send them to me! If you want this entry posted as anonymous please let me know, I am happy to oblige... otherwise we're are putting whoever it is on blast :)

ENJOY!