Bachata

Sometimes I am super mom and on the ball. I have dinners planned out for the week and when I go grocery shopping I do so quickly and efficiently getting everything I will need for said meals. I effortlessly juggle doctors appointments and therapy appointments along with getting kids to and from school with my angel 5month old baby on my hip the whole time. HAHAHAHA If that is the impression you have I am flattered, thank you! Let me just tell you that is NOT what my life looks like on the inside. The real deal is more like... it's the first few weeks of school and the bus didn't show up to pick up my son Keegan, I've been anxiously waiting at the window watching for an hour. I need to be out the door to take my other son Conner to school, so I am about to take him out of his wheel chair and put him in his seat in the van and there's the bus! Then I have Conner who for some reason is wearing his shoes untied with the laces just stuffed in his sneaker and walking around like they are going to fall off at any moment, who for the fourth time needs to be told to put his lunch box in his back pack and hurry up we have to go. During all of this I have a howling baby who wants to be fed, AGAIN, and I tell him you're not the only one! I've been up for however many hours and fed three kids and made lunch and haven't had a moment to eat anything myself, I'm starving too! I'm not screaming my head off about it... yet! But he wouldn't understand he is only 5months old so that thought is only in my head. I'm rushing to get everyone where they need to be and the dog running out the back door digs his sharp claws into the tender skin on my toes OUCH! The day continues in this fashion with a baby who will not get with the program and wants to play when he should take a nap, wants to eat at the most inopportune times, and is growing increasingly more cranky on his 2 20 min power naps taken en route to one place or another. I am late to almost everything, any little thing throws my entire schedule off course, no matter how hard I try I am one blowout or two simultaneous blow-outs requiring an impromptu clothing change from rushing some more hoping we won't get chewed out or lectured about being on time. Or maybe this is the one day they waited and timed their horrendously smelly poops that get more out of the diaper than in until we were in therapy, and I happen run out of wipes and left the extra shorts in the extra diaper bag in my van so now I have to haul the baby and myself back downstairs to go get them only to find out I locked our only key in the van. Then I have to call my husband who has a horrible migraine, who luckily came home early to try to get away from light and bury himself away in a dark room and take a nap, to come and hopefully manage to rescue me!

Yes ALL of these things have happened, not all in the same day but I guarantee there have been many a days like that one that end in me having a melt down! So at the end of the day I couldn't care less about dinner, and maybe don't remember dinner until 7 when I've told every tidbit of my horrible day to my husband who was so lucky to be at work and missing out on all the fun I had, and have finally begun to simmer down. On those days I tell my husband it's his turn!

We had a night like that recently and my husband is not big on cooking, especially when we don't have the supplies for the few things he does know how to make. So it was a fast food/take out sort of night, and we ordered some Mexican food which he picked up and brought home. Thankfully even though he got lost they didn't make my nachos until he arrived to pick up the food so they were delicious, and not soggy as I feared they would be! SO Rick came home with our food and proceeded to tell me they ran out of large cups for my bachata so they put my drink in two small cups. He then asked me what bachata was, and I told him that I didn't know! What I ordered is a delicious rice milk drink... "I said it wrong didn't I? Well what is it then?"

The real word: Horchata

Pajayjay

This is classic Rickism style... Yes I do think I should make up my own words (although mine makes sense!) to go along with his silliness! Come on people fee free to join in whether it be intentional or not I am looking forward to hearing if any of you have doozies like this husband of mine!

Last winter I went to a birthday party and forgot the present at home because I was a) very pregnant and b) had a packed day of parties and errands, so shortly after I made plans to stop by my friends house on our way back from a doctors appointment on her side of town. We got there and Conner and I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell and waited, we didn't hear anything coming from the other side of the door so we weren't sure if they were up and about yet. After waiting a brief amount of time we decided on a place to leave the present and I sent a text message to my friend letting her know we stopped by and left the gift. Just as we were turning around she came out. Turns out she is a lucky lady and her kids were all still asleep; I immediately felt guilty because one thing I know is that those days should be cherished in a nice cozy bed under the covers! Not standing outside in your pajamas in the blistering cold (haha ok it's Vegas we're talking about, so I use the term blistering VERY loosely, it just sounds better than windy and chilly)!! We talk to her for a minute and my husband says you should get inside before you freeze out here, and we say our goodbyes. As we are driving away Rick says that he couldn't believe she came outside dressed like that (by that he means in a tank top and cotton pajama bottoms) and that "she was going to freeze her pajayjays off!" I instantly wonder what on earth he was thinking because I hope he didn't mean vajayjay, the term coined by Chelsea Handler... Because what man actually says vajayjay? Or is it some discombobulated combination of freezing your butt off in your pjs? Either way it was both very funny and very wrong!

The real word or phrase is: I am not quite sure, it's either vajayjay or pjs... we still never figured out what he was thinking!

Grail or Goose goose

Rick was trying to decide what to make Keegan for dinner tonight (I made pretzel dogs and that is not feasible for him to eat, but might I say they were delish!) and complained there weren’t any grains made... What's new, he's not the most inventive when it comes to making him something, pair that with trying to deplete my supply of homemade frozen food so that we can move without worrying about wasting everything once it begins to thaw... And you get a flustered Rick, we all know what happens with a flustered Rick! So he sifted through leftovers in the fridge throwing out the old stuff, then he says “Hey we can use this grail?” Huh? I asked him "what!?" as I pulled out some fresh spinach to steam in the microwave real quick. He repeats himself, pauses as he thinks about it and says “is that what it’s called” as he opens the container then corrects himself “oh no it’s goose goose; he can have that right?” It took quite a bit of restraint to not laugh out loud while I dashed to the living room to grab my phone so I could make a not of what he just said… Seriously grail? I don’t even know where that came from! Now goose goose is not so far off, but it still quacked me up! HaHaHa

The real word: Couscous

Pusistent

Gah another I can't remember the back story to.... I guess that's what happens when every day he's saying something off the wall crazy! Whatever it was Rick said pusistent, which for sure made me laugh... He also vehemently denies saying it wrong, and told me I must have heard him wrong... another example of Rick lying!

The real word: Persistent

Cupoming

Another of Rick's weird quirks: When something is DVR'd he insists you watch it until the complete end and the pop up asks if you want to delete it or keep it. I laugh because if we are watching somethings and it's over I don't see any point watching the first minute of a show knowing it's going to cut off any second so I normally shut it off. It's a joke now, I like to grab the remote and stop it before it ends. We were watching a show and once it was over the beginning of Extreme couponing came on, after momentarily being sucked in I snapped out of it and turned it off. Rick looks at me and says "hey I wanted to see what that cupoming was about." I replied that it wasn't recorded and he smirks because he wanted to trick me into watching until the end... Jokes on you! You just gave me another word!!!

The real word: Couponing (although it isn't really a word apparently, maybe they will add it to the dictionary with muffin top)

Orientated

I almost forgot about this one given to me by my friend Michael. I don't know the person who actually used the word or the exact context, but he told me about it and we all laughed. As I was writing about orientated I realized it isn't coming up on my spell check as being incorrect like all of Rick's blaring mistakes, so I looked it up and here is what I found....


"We have a minor oddity here, in that both orient and orientate come from the same French verb, orienter, but were introduced at different times, the shorter one in the eighteenth century and the longer in the middle of the nineteenth. There’s been a quiet war going on between the two of them ever since. I tend to use orientedand orientated pretty indiscriminately myself, choosing the shorter one when it seems to fit the flow of the sentence. Robert Burchfield, in the Third Edition of Fowler’s Modern English Usage, says “one can have no fundamental quarrel with anyone who decides to use the longer of the two words”. But all this is a British view, since here orientated is common; in the US it is less so and considered much less a part of the standard language. So, as always, it’s as much a case of who you are writing for and where you are doing so."
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-ori1.htm

I also looked for anything showing a contrary opinion, and didn't find it... to my surprise orientated and oriented is like tomato and tomahto (although they are spelled the same it doesn't have the effect it does orally, so I tossed in the H), fetamorcially speaking... well technically similiely speaking... hahaha! I guess it's depends on your preference; hearing orientated still makes me kind of laugh because I think it sounds silly.

Jubalina

I am laughing just thinking about it.... Rick has given me so many jewels to add to this blog lately it's astounding. I mean he obviously does this enough to warrant my idea for the blog, but upon starting it I began to wonder if I could keep it going. My only challenge is remembering what he said; if I don't immediately get it in writing it is gone!!! Never fear though, I am now writing them in a memo on my phone, or on a receipt, or any piece of paper lying around the second it happens. There's one or two I thought for sure I would remember but my aging mom brain failed me! The funniest part is seeing his face as he realizes what's just happened... Here's how it goes: Tonight I was making dinner and midway through he was trying to pawn the baby off on me, and I told him I was busy making dinner and if he wanted me to take him he was going to have to finish. He takes the baby back and watches as I stir the food and put the lid back on and reset the timer. He excitedly asks me "oh you're making jaba, ju-jubalina?" I heard him but just to be sure I usually ask him to repeat what he said and he says "that's what it is right jubalina?" all excited and slightly proud of himself for knowing, he proceeds to read the box which is just dirty brown rice (I add stuff to it to make my own). I am rushing to write it down on a piece of paper while asking him what that was one more time, then look up to see him with that look of being busted with a tinge of amusement. He asks me well then what is it, and I tell him. As usual his response is "that's what I said." Although several more times that night he called it jubalina.

The real word: Jambalaya

Arnockies

My hubby was super excited about the new season of Sons of Anarchy... which I don't watch despite Nancy's urges (I don't like to start watching something unless it's from the beginning), so I don't know anything about it but apparently it's exciting.... So exciting that said husband couldn't even get the word out, the first few attempts were such a jumble of sounds it was unintelligible and made me smile. I've got to say he crackers me up! Finally he got to it and said "Sons of Arnockies" and I realized what the riskish meant.

The real phrase: Sons of Anarchy

Tramper Tantrum

Now if you ask Rick he will deny ever having said this but Michael Day is my witness, and as some of you may know Rick Lies!!!! He once told me that Mario Lopez was George Lopez's little brother; I thought oh cool I never knew that. He also told me Robert Pattinson was dead, not true. & That Mark Wahlberg was in New Kids on the Block when we watched a performance with NKOTBBSB, when it is actually his brother. He also called Michael one day and said his truck rolled out of the driveway and hit a car, and asked if he has insurance; that was a joke but still... Those are just a few examples! So if he ever tells you something you should do some research before you start spreading false information!

So Rick was talking about Cooper, who apparently cried, or screamed for 45 mins straight while I was gone and said he was throwing a tramper tantrum.

The real saying: Temper tantrum

Solisiss and Solicitate

So this entry is two words in the same, or at least to my husband they were... Solisiss, and solicitate. Can't recall the conversation, thankfully I made a note so I wouldn't forget the words.

The real word: solicit.

Stopin

So Rick being the sweetheart that he is often makes tea for me, I am trying to avoid coffee and caffeine when possible, so he will make Mother's Milk tea for me :) On several occaisions after telling me he made tea he's said "it's stoping right now," which always makes me furrow my brow unsure what on earth stoping with a long o is exactly I finally remember what he means and smile and nod, and thank him for being awesome.

The real word: Steeping.